THE IMAGINARY JENNY

2012-01-12T01:01:00.003-05:00

How/why did I think this Pinterest thing had something to do with Harold Pinter?

Shoes By Carlos Santana

2011-12-12T13:28:00.002-05:00

No, really.

2011-12-09T13:13:00.000-05:00

Could arguably (only that, though!) be funnier if it were in the tags.

2011-12-07T13:23:00.001-05:00

"I can do this too, but only with black."

Happy Thanksgiving, Loser (i.e., Me)

2011-11-22T17:03:00.001-05:00

Yesterday brought some bad news; an unexpected death in the family, if you will. This brings to an end the most disappointing and difficult year I've had in my life. I was already so down in the trenches that the impact of the bad news was probably far less than it could have been, had I been having an easier time to start. Should I be thankful for that? An inauspicious end to an inauspicious year, is how I think of it. Isn't the end of the world coming in 2012? Finally, something to look forward to.

2011-11-21T10:49:00.001-05:00

Being a California girl, New York City (in my age 16 imagination) was either the uptown of MANHATTAN or the downtown and Brooklyn of DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN. I realized last night that in fact, those two NYCs were my reality for the dozen years I lived there. How lucky am I? For a city to be everything your 16-year-old mind dreamed of, and more? I still miss NYC terribly, a year after moving. I wonder when that will fade, the wistfulness.

2011-10-10T16:18:00.000-04:00

I guess it's time for me to start reading Didion.

2011-09-13T01:52:00.000-04:00

Tom Scocca and I share a birthday, it seems. Don't know why it freaks me out, but for context: I greatly admire Tom Scocca's writing.

Undernotes Of Irony, With A Genuine Finish

2011-09-11T17:53:00.000-04:00

One night this past week, we were doing our usual channel surfing and the husband joked, "What, no 'Real Sex: 9/11 Edition'?" (we have been watching "Real Sex" reruns on HBO and wow, that is some time capsule-worthy material, but that's for another post). With all the special programming such as "I Survived ... 9/11" and "Biography: Osama bin Laden" and "How It's Made: Ground Zero," you start to expect to see specials like "Sandra Lee's Ultimate Guide to Terror Attack-Commemoration Table Settings." But that got me thinking, a "Real Sex" episode filmed in the immediate months after 9/11 sure would be informative. I reckon there were a lot of self-destructive decisions being made, driven by guilt about surviving and the emotional abandon that follows the realization that sometimes, survival is probabilistic, and not something that is necessarily granted to the strongest, or bravest, or kindest, or humblest, or ... worthiest.

2011-09-06T11:33:00.001-04:00

2011-08-23T14:07:00.000-04:00

Dig deep but don't dig too deep
When it's late you'll see the hole is empty and oh so deadly
They want me raw and smooth like glass
They want it fast but they don't want flaws
I'm a girl's best friend
Can you cut, I can cut, 'cause I'm a rough gem

Point/Counterpoint (AKA "Tempeh Tampon")

2011-07-05T22:30:00.003-04:00

First, you got this:

And then, this:

Delia is fucking rad.

I am not a Californian.

2011-06-14T17:55:00.003-04:00

In the last six months, I've gotten three parking tickets (for not being able to read signs that indicate when and for how long you can park on the street). Basically, I suck as a car owner. Please may I go back to NYC?

2011-06-10T23:40:00.002-04:00

We washed our mouths at the riverbed
When we noticed something glowing
And it was growing
Things are going to change
A hard rain falls, made of magma
Melts Alaska
And in icy Argentine they say now I've seen it all
Who knew? Volcanoes!

2011-05-25T10:39:00.002-04:00

Currently obsessed with figuring out if I have the chops to retrofit a Western Electric 500 or Princess phone to work with VOIP. Already have ruled out anything with rotary dials. Hm. Also, why do Kartell garbage bins sell for $60? And why does no one make anything as simple and functional any longer?

2011-05-07T12:07:00.003-04:00

The main criticism I have is the sensationalist page tag or meta-title or whatever these things are called in web-ese:

Osama bin Laden: He Died a Fool and Has No Legacy, Says Dana Vachon

News Of The World

2011-05-02T11:22:00.002-04:00

So, I was going to be all, "Guess what? We're moving for the third time in six months!" until some government entity went and waged a covert operation and done killed Osama bin Laden. Talk about hogging the spotlight.

2011-04-27T18:06:00.004-04:00

Also re. Franzen: I find that I strongly identify with multiple characters in his books. That's difficult to accomplish, judging by how singular characters tend to be in so many novels, even ones that I enjoy. I so love how the economy of Franzen's language is, for me, inversely proportional to the level of understanding about a person it achieves and the recognition it evokes.

2011-04-26T01:06:00.002-04:00

What I love about Franzen, among many others, is how well he writes about disappointment.

2011-04-22T22:59:00.003-04:00

We are, once again, embarking on a housing search. Here is my five-words-or-less assessment of the Temescal neighborhood in Oakland: Where The Gays/Artists Are, 2011. You know what I'm talking about, right? The formerly "urban" neighborhood, filled with amazing _____s [insert type of housing structure, something of architectural significance, something that makes a person wax nostalgic for bygone eras and/or class divisions---e.g., gingerbread Victorian; split-level ranch home; pre-war grand dame; row house; former industrial warehouse; former tenement; former plantation], first discovered by the gays/bohemians (who are always the gentrifying pioneers), that's now a little enclave of rehabbed real estate with exorbitant prices even though just across the street it's totally shady? Yeah, that's Temescal. That is so Temescal.

I know what we're doing for Easter Sunday!

2011-04-21T17:17:00.001-04:00

Here is the printed description of event at Tilden Park:

CHICKY CHICKENS
LITTLE FARM OPEN HOUSE
RABBIT RENDEZVOUS

Yeah!

2011-04-20T22:14:00.002-04:00

After getting knocked up, I of course quit drinking for enough time that after giving birth, half a glass of wine would, well, knock me out completely, to the extent that I really wasn't able to enjoy the wine at all. Like, I'd be asleep before I finished my supper. It was kind of pathetic and I didn't think it was worth the half glass of wine, particularly as I was still working and in need of every faculty I could muster after being a full-time milkmaid. (Not that I wasn't secretly slightly nostalgic when my kid basically weaned himself and never looked back. But that's a topic for ... never. Not that I wouldn't love to talk about it, but I respect your boundaries and all.)

However! Now that that I am a full-time parent, it turns out that I have plenty of time and reason to enjoy a cocktail or three as soon as the 5 o'clock hour strikes, and suddenly, before I could even say "Hello, 1998 to 2006!", my tolerance is way up again! Ironic that being a parent does that to you. I mean, me.

2011-04-20T00:45:00.001-04:00

One chapter in and I already am in love with Freedom.

Parenting Fail

2011-04-19T15:02:00.002-04:00

Took the kid to Habitot for the morning, in the hopes of creating enough of a diversion to prevent a recurrence of the defeat I suffered yesterday at the hands of a suddenly defiant and loophole-finding toddler, who has figured out, for example, that if he claims he needs to potty and can manage to squeeze out just one drop of pee, he technically is due a chocolate-covered blueberry reward; also, that if he says he is thirsty (what mother would deny her child water or milk, after all?), he will probably acquire a vessel of liquid that can be poured or spit out onto a computer.

What actually happened is that Habitot was so overrun with children and their annoying parents or mean-looking Tibetan nannies (must be some sort of tribal vibe I'm picking up on? because those ladies are tough and scary, especially when there's a clan of them that you see everywhere around town, ruling the playgrounds, &c.)---it being spring break week---that I had a panic attack and had to leave.

Fuck.

All I can say with certainty is ...

2011-04-15T16:20:00.003-04:00

Number 2 is my Number 1. Also: Awww ... we almost bought the vinyl box set last weekend.

2011-04-12T15:26:00.003-04:00

To clarify, what I mean is: Does it seem like even organized crime in California is somewhat ... lame? Like, what would Luc Sante write about if he were a Californian? Stuff like this, is my guess.

To add to the list of truly awful brands: Ecorotic Sex Toys. Because eco-plus-anything is a winner in the SF Bay Area.

Wherein I Ask: Why Me?

2011-04-12T12:18:00.002-04:00

Recycling fraud: Big business in California.

[via Curbed SF]

Not The Werner We're Fans Of

2011-03-31T17:10:00.003-04:00

I knew a restaurant named "Cafe Gratitude" warranted suspicion.

2011-03-30T16:59:00.003-04:00

What is so downright perplexing is that the young now seem so much more severely serious than the old. Even so much more conservative in a special sense---the sense of honoring and cherishing the very best that's in them---like sincerity, openness, honesty and love. While the middle-aged so often express cynicism and self-disappointment.

There is, sadly, perhaps something very American about all this. Americans have always had a certain knack of being young. We know how. Up to a point. Then, the older we get chronologically, the greater and more apparent becomes the difference between our ages and our maturity. Emotional maturity in the average American adult---so says the joke---arrives at age 29. And lasts for an hour and twenty-seven minutes.

[From the album cover for The Graduate (Original Soundtrack Recording), Columbia Masterworks, Columbia Records/CBS Inc.]

2011-03-15T17:14:00.002-04:00

A key reason I think Berkeley (it could be the SF Bay Area or N. California or even all of California, but my examples are all from Berkeley) is lame is that it has businesses named such things as:

The TranscenDENTIST
Yoga To The People
Cafe Gratitutde
Crepevine

2011-03-08T21:01:00.002-05:00

There really is no way to avoid looking like a jackass if you are using a tape roller to pick up all traces of debris in your car before installing the all-weather floormats.

2011-02-27T22:26:00.001-05:00

New Destroyer

2011-02-17T13:09:00.006-05:00

Very mid-80s "Miami Vice" score---even the words---and more. As in Tangerine Dream. Yeah.

Now A Member Of The More-Fuel-Consuming Populace

2011-02-16T02:21:00.004-05:00

My second car, my second "ultimate driving machine" (I hope! considering the cost of gas), my second 2002 (though this time, it's not the model). It is pretty.

2011-02-11T14:38:00.002-05:00

Glendale-La Loma Park is a very even swap for the Ancient Playground at Central Park. Different advantages and disadvantages, but it is gorgeous and huge and the view of the bay is pretty amazing. Thanks, Glendale-La Loma Park, for making me miss Manhattan a little bit less.

ART

2011-02-11T11:57:00.003-05:00

Untitled (Toast of the Town), 2011.

LOVE

2011-01-29T11:03:00.001-05:00

Sisyphus, Sissy Fuss, Silly Puss, 2009

Ugh, California.

2011-01-29T01:20:00.003-05:00

I am obsessed with finding an E39 or E46 BMW wagon. While I like BMWs and love shopping, I kind of hate the constant driving up and down the hill to run errands. It's like having to ascend and descend a staircase repeatedly throughout the day in one's house. Which, coincidentally, is the case in the house in which I temporarily reside. So accursed.

2011-01-11T01:14:00.007-05:00

For those of you keeping track at home, 2010 was full of suck for me and my nearest/dearest. The year ended with a cross-country move, never a fun thing, but especially stressful when you are facing the very grim reality that you may have to ask your vet to "put down" one of your dogs (who, for a specific set of circumstances, cannot make the move with you) for lack of any re-homing options for her---making your move date literally a deadline.

The actual move was followed by the unexpected challenge of living with my father, also known as the miserable asshole who is a toxic rain cloud of bad karma and an idiot, to boot. Then, the first week of 2011 brought upper respiratory infections followed immediately by a stomach virus (projectile vomiting!) for all three Catbirds.

All of this has not been helped by my chance encounters with seriously hateful parents---the stereotypical progressive California ones, who make Park Slope parents seem like fun in comparison.

I hate having to drive and park, drive and park, multiple times a day. I hate the damp cold and rain, which makes the basement dungeon we temporarily reside in even more depressing. I hate having to dress in layers and I hate that everyone wears clothing that makes them look like they are going on a day hike, even though all they are doing is driving to the grocery store. I hate the surly clerks at "The Bowl", who seem to resent having to work in a grocery store despite having graduated Cal in 1985 with a philosophy degree.

So you can imagine that when I saw this SNL skit, I was immediately filled with heartache for the insular, special world that New Yorkers (or rather, Manhattanites) inhabit. I miss this so much. I belong among those self-centered, over-entitled white people---not among the ones who currently surround me.

2011-01-03T00:24:00.000-05:00

If I needed you, would you come to me
Would you come to me and ease my pain
If you needed me, I would come to you
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain

In the night forlorn, the morning's born
and the morning shines with the lights of love
You will miss sunrise if you close your eyes
That would break my heart in two

The lady's with me now, since I showed her how
To lay her lily hand in mine
Loop and Lil agree, she's a sight to see
and a treasure for the poor to find

New Year's Eve Plans

2010-12-28T13:12:00.003-05:00

I am going to violently stab 2010 in effigy at 11:59 P.M. on December 31, 2010.

"Granny Fruity Pie"

2010-12-27T12:30:00.003-05:00

More info here.

2010-12-21T15:19:00.004-05:00

I dug out some LPs for the little dude to listen and dance to---the selection includes Harry Belafonte, a Motown Christmas compilation, and, of course, plenty of Duran Duran, Madonna, and George Michael. The one that wins the "Album Cover Most Likely To Be Mistaken For A Photo Of A Cult" award is this one. But the most interesting thing about that LP is printed on the liner notes: A coupon that you can cut out and send in to get more information about Warner/Reprise's "Loss Leaders" series, priced at $2 for two LPs packaged in a gatefold cover. Here's a discography, with pretty detailed descriptions of each of the samplers. Pretty fascinating stuff.

Berkeley Bowl

2010-12-16T12:22:00.001-05:00

Why are the check-out clerks at Berkeley Bowl so surly? And why don't they carry full-fat Fage yogurt and kefir? Pansy-ass communists.

Some are gone but none are forgotten.

2010-11-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

The Ancient Playground
Walking down Park Avenue between 96th and 86th at 8:00 AM on a summer Saturday or Sunday, and saying hi to the joggers, parents, dogwalkers, and doormen
1185 Park Avenue
Tom at Sally Hershberger Face Place
151 (Rivington)
Bowery Ballroom, pre-2004
71 Clinton Fresh Food
Linda Dresner
Yellow cabs
Roberta Freymann and Roberta Roller Rabbit
Not having to drive
Red velvet cake from Two Little Red Hens
More to be added later, I'm sure

2010-11-15T21:55:00.002-05:00

The Number One reason to leave Manhattan now.

Real Estate

2010-10-25T13:59:00.002-04:00

Since I am a "Strat" expert (duh, my job title is "Strategic Adviser"), I'm going to share my first tip for becoming a real estate mogul in California: Buy a shit house for real cheap on a good lot in a desirable neighborhood, make sure you have an insurance policy that provides excellent coverage for force majeure, and wait for the overdue earthquake to hit. You will recoup your deductible easily and get a ground-up rebuild out of it. No need to comment now; just thank me after your first flip.

2010-10-22T13:26:00.002-04:00

I am toying with the notion of the shoe-bootie (AKA, the "shootie")---i.e., hot or not? Leg-elongating or cankle-producing?

Hierarchy of Needs/Investment in Relationship as Manifested by Mode of Communication

2010-10-19T10:14:00.003-04:00

2010-10-14T17:13:00.000-04:00

"Rising Cost of Kimchi Alarms Koreans"

2010-10-07T11:48:00.002-04:00

A little "inside baseball," but c'mon, this sort of talent is invaluable in today's media marketplace, right? RIGHT?!

Finally, the exit strategy is revealed.

2010-10-05T07:51:00.001-04:00

Quit job, move to California. Because, well, I can.

2010-10-03T07:41:00.002-04:00

Kenny fucking Powers.

2010-10-01T08:34:00.002-04:00

"Why did god make humans sleepy?"

So funny.

2010-09-25T06:21:00.000-04:00

"Just put the wars in Iraq/Afghanistan on Craigslist, see if anyone else wants them."

2010-09-20T12:35:00.001-04:00

I hate it when people use the term "net-net."

2010-09-17T16:08:00.002-04:00

Just a sweet little slice of life. [Via]

2010-09-13T10:28:00.000-04:00

I NEED A BREAK.
I. NEED. A. BREAK.

OMGWTF40

2010-09-07T10:45:00.007-04:00

I figured out why turning 40 is such a non-event to me. It's because I think I am content with my lot in life. I have the thing that is most important to me: an amazing family, with the best husband and the best little boy and two supportive parents (each insane to varying degrees, but whatever). And, also, the experience to know that the person who most benefits from being humble and compassionate is ME. There certainly is a lot more that I'd like to do and accomplish (show H the world, become a yoga master, &c.), but the springboard from which to dive in has been built, so I know that I can do and accomplish whatever I set my mind to.

2010-09-03T12:41:00.000-04:00

2010-08-19T13:43:00.001-04:00

I really do love this post.

Unclear On Concept

2010-08-15T07:12:00.003-04:00

I sent my dad the recent Atul Gawande article on end-of-life health care decisions. Weeks later, he replied, "Too long for me. Can you do me a favor? Abbreviate it (cut out words/sentences/paragraphs) of less importance and send the result again."

State Update

2010-08-12T14:04:00.004-04:00

New York finally passed a budget, blah blah, more than four months into the fiscal year, blah blah blah, California the lone state that has not enacted its budget, blah blah blah blah and OH YEAH! This:

Gambling also talked with Paterson about his accidental signing of the wrong revenue bill, when the Assembly sent him an earlier, un-passed, version of the measure.

We live to see Fred Armisen re-create the scene.

Strategic Planning

2010-08-10T12:41:00.002-04:00

I guess I should get my shit together and finally read The Ask.

Followed By

2010-08-10T12:14:00.002-04:00

Self-loathing for even feeling this way; self-blame for "bringing it on myself;" growing resentment towards, well, everyone.

Forecast For Today, Rest Of Week

2010-08-10T11:24:00.002-04:00

Filled with scorn.

2010-08-09T14:32:00.001-04:00

"Women do almost as well as men today,” Ms. Waldfogel said, “as long as they don’t have children."

[Via]

2010-08-04T08:39:00.004-04:00

Is there such a thing as anti-efficiency? Or dis-economies of scale? I think governments are good examples of this phenomenon. As is my workplace.

2010-07-27T16:08:00.003-04:00

So, if you aren't watching a show called "I SURVIVED" on the Biography Channel, you really are missing out on ... some of the most gut-wrenching first-person recountings of experiences that illustrate how horrifying human behavior can be, how humans have the ability to commit unimaginably atrocious acts of violence against other humans. I mean, these stories are up there with the "works" of Eli Roth or whoever else is producing that snuff shit nowadays. And mind you, the stories do not always have neat resolutions---justice does not, in many cases, prevail. In fact, often, the perpetrator of the violence simply is never found.

The episode I saw last night featured this man, Glen, a recently retired champion judo competitor, who had decided to take a 20,000 mile motorcycle tour of South America (isn't that how you plan to enjoy your golden years?). He was abducted by Marxist rebels in Colombia and forced to march in the jungle (while enduring constant mental and physical abuse) for five weeks. Needless to say, there were many moments when he thought he was about to die---at the hands of the rebels, or of exhaustion, high-grade fever, malnutrition, dehydration. But that old judo training and the voice of his coach (who seemed to resemble a drill sergeant?) told him that he had to keep going, he had to get his second, third, fourth, nth wind and keep going, all Karate Kid-like. And so, he decided that he would play out that he was dying, dying of prostate cancer, and force the rebels (he hoped) to finally relinquish him to medical care for fear of having American blood on their hands. In order to become even weaker than he already was, he refused any water and his two small servings per day of rice, claiming that the cancer was making it impossible for him to keep anything down. Then, in order to create a more convincing tableau, he decided that he needed to come up with blood, in a way that didn't leave an obvious wound on his body. So he rammed his motorcycle key (still in his pocket) as far as he could up his nose and into his sinuses and punched that thing around as hard as he could, and sprayed blood all over himself and the room. As he was retelling this part of the story, you could see the glint in his eye and the grin creeping up on the edges of his mouth. He described how the room looked as if a hog had been slaughtered in it. In the morning, when the rebels came to fetch him, he told them, pointing to his bloodied crotch, "See? I told you I'm dying. I'm peeing blood now." It only took a couple more days of this for the rebel leader to resentfully drop him off by mule to an international Red Cross station.

So, okay, all this happens; he gets to a hospital in Medellin; he undergoes whatever he undergoes and recuperates enough to be discharged. The FBI detail that arrives to pick him up tells him that they are taking him back to California (where his home is). Glen says, "Where?" and they say, again, "California." Glen then says (paraphrasing), "No way. I came here with plans for a motorcycle tour of South America, and I'm not leaving until I do that." He starts walking out the door, and a bunch of agents move to stop him from leaving, at which point, he yells, "I'M TIRED OF A BUNCH OF MEN WITH GUNS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" The agents laugh nervously and finally, he stays and finishes his 20,000 mile bike trip across South America as planned.

At the end of his retelling, Glen has an expression of full-on glee on his face. It's bonkers. Paging Werner Herzog!

NY = CA

2010-07-15T12:27:00.000-04:00

In case you didn't know, NYS still doesn't have a budget for the fiscal year that began on April 1, 2010, primarily because (1) Governor Paterson hahahahahahahaha, that's a good one, and (2) the Democrats cannot get their shit together to actually take advantage of their hard-won majority in the State Senate (plus, you know, Pedro Espada, Hiram Monserrate, &c.).

Now, apparently, Paterson has been revising the components of the budget that DID already pass (in the weekly "extender" bills that were necessary all Spring and into Summer in order to prevent a complete government shutdown), and delivering to the Legislature for review. But his bills remain stuck in the mailroom of the Capitol building, because the Legislature simply refuses to accept them.

How awesome is that?

In other news, when did Calibri become acceptable as a standard font for business correspondence and documents?

[UPDATE: Sometime back in the mid-00's, but my company is so cheap that they are still on Microsoft Office 2003!]

2010-06-29T15:45:00.000-04:00

Today, for some reason, I started looking at photos of Dash Snow. It still makes me so sad when I see Secret. Maybe it's the talents of the various photographers, but whenever there's a photo with Dash and Secret together, I imagine that I am witness to evidence of the existence of a nuclear bomb that obliterates all scars and remnants of past troubles and hurts with a single blinding flash of purity---and that this bomb was set off just as the photo was snapped.

2010-06-24T13:05:00.001-04:00

This kefir stuff is insane. I always assumed that it was merely drinkable yogurt. What a simpleton, I, to underestimate this mysterious, magical nectar! To wit:

Like yogurt, kefir is cultured milk---but the bacterial strains in each differ, and kefir also contains healthy yeasts, giving it both a slightly fermented (alcoholic) and fizzy taste.

The starter for kefir is kefir grains---described as:

... [a] substance that is white, rubbery, and roughly cauliflower-like in appearance. The grain is formed from a conglomeration of over 30 kinds of bacteria and yeast, along with a structure of proteins, fats, and sugars that the organisms create to live in. This may sound yucky, but it’s actually rather fantastic: this mega-colony has emergent properties that make it act as though it were a single entity. It grows (when immersed in solutions containing sugars or starches) and repairs itself when damaged. Even more interesting, the various types of bacteria are able to defend the entire colony against foreign pathogens in a way that any single strain could not.

The kefir grains continue to multiply and grow over time, as they feed off of whatever liquid is used to make kefir---cow's milk, goat's milk, &c. If you end up with a hopelessly large colony, you can break some of the grains off and eat it (as you might guess, this provides a mega-dose of probiotics), feed it to your pets, or, according to tradition, give portions of the grains to your fellow human beings so that they can make their own kefir and thus, ensure that the mother grain continues to spread and be passed across and down generations upon generations. In fact, if you are really sticking to the rules, you must not sell your kefir grains for gain---they must always be offered freely, or at most for shipping and handling costs.

In case you are wondering about the proper care of your kefir colony, here is an excerpt from the ever-illuminating Kefir Manual:

Please accept the real kefir grains as precious living beings. Love them, talk to them, handle them gently, feed them regularly and they will pay you back with your health. When you take loving care about them, they will be with you for the rest of your life and you will be the one who benefited most.

Takeaway: HELL YEAH, I'm getting in on that.

Correction: Former WARRIOR

2010-06-22T13:34:00.003-04:00

Manute Bol has died.

The Golden State Warriors used to practice at Cal's Rec Sports Facility, where I was on staff all throughout my college years. Once, I happened to end up standing right next to Manute Bol and it was fucking hilarious.

More bits of the late 80s are slowly being relegated to the dustbin, &c &c.

2010-06-03T11:01:00.001-04:00

2010-05-25T09:22:00.002-04:00

I will be checking in here for previews of what I can expect with our own half-and-half. What the fuck is up with that logo, though? What font is that---DeLorean Sans Light or something?

2010-05-24T09:42:00.004-04:00

Suddenly I realize that the approach I have taken with my employer, the very thing that compels me to continue to try to share my assessment of how things can be fixed, to the benefit of the organization, the CEO, and me, is based on a fallacy. I can't believe it didn't dawn on me until now, nearly four years in. I have maintained all along that I am not trying to change anyone, that I know that that's a futile exercise, like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, &c. But my actions would indicate otherwise, for all along, I have held the belief that logic and reason eventually can prevail---and that simply is not universally true, is it? It's like saying that that you unconditionally accept that your schizophrenic brother has a mental illness that is at least partially rooted in a persistent and pernicious abnormal hardwiring of the brain---one that that makes him behave irrationally, see and hear things, seemingly lack the moral fiber that allows certain first-world societies to function day-in and day-out in the short run, even if one wouldn't always characterize those societies as "civilized democracies"---yet, still say to him, "But just hear me out; maybe if I explain it a little more clearly, maybe if I just use the right metaphor or present my analysis differently, you'll start to come around to my more rational, more acceptable way of thinking." It doesn't work, does it?

2010-05-21T06:59:00.000-04:00

Also,

Lux Lisbon
Charlotte (Lost in Translation)

2010-05-20T12:19:00.003-04:00

I wish Boss Lady would stop referring to the possibility that we will contract with foreign-based workers to temporarily meet demand for a particular discipline where we are understaffed as "importing" these professionals.

Why is it that I identify with movie characters who are blonde? E.g.:

Margot Tenenbaum
Torrance Shipman
Elizabeth I (as portrayed by Cate Blanchett)

A recommendation for me with respect to improving job performance.

2010-05-13T09:45:00.004-04:00

"... will need to ... convey a positive attitude ...".

I think I am being reprimanded for having a Bad Attitude? I confess, I do have one. Can you blame me? How would YOU feel if you had to bring your standards for professional conduct, work ethic, and general intelligence down to the lowest common denominator? The irony is that no one disagrees with the fact that my work product is excellent---I received my maximum bonus, but I should point out that a single-digit percent off a low salary to start really isn't enough financial incentive to radically change my attitude. The counter-argument implied by my employer is: You should be thankful for anything we give you. I need to figure out how to bow out of the conversation, and soon.

2010-05-12T16:59:00.001-04:00

I think I have serious hostility issues?

2010-05-11T22:46:00.000-04:00

"Disappointing? Of course. Our generation wouldn’t have it any other way."

[Via]

2010-05-11T11:24:00.002-04:00

Amen.

[Via]

Everything's relative, I suppose.

2010-05-04T15:20:00.003-04:00

My cubicle in the renovated office may suck and depress me, but at least I am not the person assigned to the cubicle in what essentially is a hallway, directly within sight of an entire large office, with an actual door that shuts, that has been constructed to hold nothing but six FILE CABINETS. So, you know, there's that.

2010-05-03T13:14:00.002-04:00

Is it really sad that I want a new vacuum cleaner for Mother's Day? It's not all that sad when you consider how OCD I am about the cleanliness of floors; the ROI would reach break-even within five days. My current vacuum is at least six years old, maybe seven. This would mean that there are two Ventas, two Mieles, and two HEPA air filters in an apartment that is 650 sf. Okay, maybe it's not sad, just batshit insane.

2010-04-29T22:35:00.003-04:00

When I die, I hope my eulogy is delivered via Powerpoint presentation. For surely, Powerpoint will have been a contributing factor to my demise.

Also On The Plus Side Of The Ledger

2010-04-22T12:14:00.002-04:00

2010-04-22T11:05:00.003-04:00

I just got to see, in person, my assigned office space (windowless interior cubicle) in our renovated corporate headquarters. It just proves that no matter how much shit has been dumped on you, there's always more in the universe's infinite supply!

In the "universal even-steven" positive column, though, is that I think Carl Steadman is still alive? Unless someone else is behind his Facebook account.

Just To Be Clear

2010-04-19T13:21:00.002-04:00

Today is fucked. Or did no one tell you that yet? Well, let me tell you definitively, and once and for all: Today is fucked. And knowing how these things work, tomorrow might very well be, too!

2010-04-13T15:39:00.001-04:00

My favorite bread is miche. Herewith, some recipe ideas:

Miche Mash
Miche Mache
Miche Quiche
Miche Corniche
Miche Les Riches (?)

2010-04-11T08:55:00.001-04:00

The Devo Song Study. Go on, you know you wanna.

[Via]

Those of you familiar with Lulu the Jack Russell Terror will appreciate the brilliance of this photo.

2010-04-05T10:21:00.004-04:00

... which is to say, very few of you will appreciate the brilliance of this photo.

Hoarders: Buried Alive

2010-04-01T12:54:00.003-04:00

White House Notices Dads, Announces Actual Policy At Work-Family Forum

Haha, April Fools!
...
I'm sad to say it succeeded wildly at achieving its substance-free objectives. It got a lot of attention, but there were no policies or legislative anythings. Not even for federal employees or federal contractors. Did you know federal employees have no paid maternity leave at all? Zero. When they have a baby, they cobble together sick days and vacation, and their colleagues pool together and donate a few more sick days to them. Don't even start with paternity leave.

That whole "cobbling together hoarded sick and vacation days for maternity or paternity leave"? Yeah, that was me---no paid leave whatsoever, not even one day. And I work for a large not-for-profit health care provider, where at least two-thirds of senior management are women. (Actually, I think the gender breakdown on senior management might be at the root of our maternity leave policy!)

Never was in synch with this show until the Merlinpeen episode ...

2010-03-31T17:25:00.003-04:00

And now, kind of? Yes!

"You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered."

It's What's On The Menu

2010-03-30T14:24:00.002-04:00

Whole pork roast, tonight! Yum.

Jane Fonda

2010-03-30T14:11:00.002-04:00

Has blog, had Kelly Cutrone over for finale of Kell on Earth last night.

Freakout, Magnitude 7.0 (Richter Scale)

2010-03-30T10:29:00.002-04:00

Why is there such a gaping faultline between Who I Think I Am and Who Others Think I Am?
Have you ever realized that you might have been speaking a totally different language than someone you were in near-daily communication with, years ago?
The Wiggles---thumbs up or thumbs down?

How Green Was My Valley: A Tragedy In One Act

2010-03-27T13:29:00.003-04:00

Persons Represented

H____, A bonny Prince, aged 13 months, who alternates between constipation and diarrhea.
MOTHER, Mother of Prince.
FATHER, Father of Prince.

ACT I.

SCENE I. A small city apartment, in an under-ventilated bedroom. H____ lies on bed while FATHER pins his arms and chest to prevent him from rolling off of waterproof changing pad. MOTHER begins to undress H____ and remove diaper that is exploding with toxic green sludge.

[Holding her nose.]

MOTHER.
H____, why can't you get your shit together? [Pause.]
Literally?

[Holding his nose, as if in response to a bad pun.]

FATHER.
That stinks. [Pause.]
Literally.

[Exeunt, foul diaper in hand.]

Unintended Outcome

2010-03-26T10:28:00.003-04:00

I recently got a haircut (request: "the Katie Holmes mommy bob;" result: a tiny bit Dorothy Hamill---but it will grow into KH quickly, so I'm not concerned) and also got new eyeglass frames. Now I very much resemble Enid from Ghost World.

Movies That Have Made Me Weep Uncontrollably At Their Conclusions

2010-03-25T11:33:00.000-04:00

The Mission
Thumbsucker
Blood Diamond
The Constant Gardener

Edited to add:

The Brown Bunny

"Also, don't fuck crazy."

2010-03-24T15:32:00.006-04:00

I have dated this "Greenberg" fellow, so amazingly described here! In fact, the Greenberg I dated looks like Ben Stiller's Greenberg and even has a surname that is very similar to Greenberg! It doesn't end in -stein but if that's what you were guessing, you're getting warmer!

So, what, that's like the fourth or fifth item on my "Female Who Lives In New York City, Overeducated (But Possibly Underemployed), Got Married And Had A Baby After Age 35" bingo card that's been called?